The Angry Fat Man

Okay, so I'm rolling back to work, and I've got my phone in my ear, as I'm on a conference call. I roll up to an intersection and I see a jackass with no helmet but a snazzy little blue and yellow ass-suit riding his bike on the right shoulder....and his chick he either wants to impress or show off for is meandering behind him.

Alright, when I was a kid, I knew share the road, I understood share the road. This fucker just wanted the road...and since he was on his little bike, he felt he deserved it. True, I could have stopped and let him go over in front of me, but he wasn't even pointing, or making a signal of any kind, just kind of looking behind him.

So, this master of the lignuistic arts yells, "Share the road you fat fuck". While I'm a heavy guy and know it, this generally enrages me when idiots make a mistake and/or try to showoff for their lady friends by belittling me. I politely rolled my window down and stated, "you're at an intersection, you should get in the turn lane before traffic comes to a stop, or cross at the crosswalk. If you're in a lane, use hand signals" and of course, I had to add....."DUMBFUCK!"

Do I think that I got the last word in and maybe he felt stupid? Yes and no. To feel stupid, you have to realize that you are...I don't think he understood that he was in the wrong. This Share The Road bullshit only works when you play it right. Like do I care when I see a guy on a cruiser using handsignals, no, I just figure he wants to let us know doubly sure that he's turning, now do I hate that same bastard for rolling through the gap between two cars or riding up the shoulder? Yes!!! If you're going to ride your little bike on the same road with the big gas-powered automobiles, instead of finding a nice wooded trail, prepare to be cut-off, honked at, and rode like a mule and generally scoffed. Because you know what? It wouldn't take but one flick of my foot, and in the end....

I WIN!

-Update-
Yes, it was a bicycle, an unmotorized, pedal powered, you had one when you were 10, bike.
And we were on a 6 lane HIGHWAY, it's not called Northwest HIGHWAY because it's a small access road....this jackass wanted to cross 3 lanes of real traffic to get into one of the 2 lanes of turning traffic.....HIGHWAY!!!

Posted by The Younger (slightly less angry) Fat Man at 12:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

You know, I don't feel any empathy with the partner swapping, super-rich, liberal freaks that hang out in the jet-set of LA and NY, but this time I really have to say it. I'm sad that PETA is hugging on J-Lo's ass like a cheap suit.

I will admit, that her clothing line was OVER THE TOP in the fur department, but I have to say that it wasn't as bad as the mid-80s full on mink coat fiascos. Basically, the PETA nuts have decided to protest in front of Jen's restaurant. It's fine and good to protest outside at the fashion show or in front of stores that may carry the line, but c'mon, it's an unrelated place of business and now it's a real personal attack.

Do they think that by making some poor bastard sick while eating it is going to stop the fur industry? Do they think that J-Lo not being in the restaurant business is going to make her stop designing fur laden clothing? She has the money from her acting and singing guys! The restaurant is probably buoyed by those mainline endeavors....hell give the restaurant a few years and it would fizzle out without your help! Most restaurants do go out of business, so don't count that as a victory if/when it happens!

Here's another problem with PETA. Do they stop by McDs on the way home and protest there? Do they stop every person that has leather upholstery along the way? Do they themselves have leather clothing? (This includes shoes!!!) Is their clothing all made of hemp and linen?!? Are they all Vegan?!? I'll bet not completely...and if not, then they are practicing the age old art of hypocrisy. I mean, since we crawled out of the sludge we've been bludgeoning small woodland creatures to death without benefit of knock-out drugs and then weaving their little pelts together to cover our asses!?!? What's the hang-up?

Posted by The Younger (slightly less angry) Fat Man at 02:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, I'll get straight to the point....PICK UP YOUR DAMNED FEET PEOPLE!!!

So I'm sitting in the high traffic area of the office, which means I hear a lot of gossip and get marginally annoyed when loud people congregate near my cube. But the worst offender of human decency is the foot dragger. My boss clued me in to this one day when he was in my cube.

He's the kind that seems like there was no nonsense at home as a kid, mom and dad ruled with an iron fist and a gentle hug. A girl walked by, I consider her a girl, because she dresses like she's 19, when she's probably lower-30s...anyway, she shuffles by dragging her feet like a petulant 4 year-old, for whom life is now over because she got yelled at. Or maybe her shoes are too big, or maybe she's down...whatever.

So, now that the boss has clued me in, it's like those damned Jesus signs where you can't see it, but when you do, it's all you can ever see. Same thing here, I swear that at least 1 out of ever 6 people that walks by drags their feet, and it's the same folks everytime. I mean that must be the sound of money to the shoe people, because clearly the soles of their shoes must be wearing out faster.....ARGH!!!!

Posted by The Younger (slightly less angry) Fat Man at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)